Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Me:raw & un-edited...

WARNING - Long, un-editied, rambley post below.  Please no judgement.  If I re-read to edit, I know I wont actually post it, and I feel like I need to.  So I'm just going to post it and see what happens...

We (well mostly me) are in some crazy ruts right now as well as missing the mark in SOOO many areas of my life.

Eating related - I am sick of our current rotating menu, I really am wanting to do something healthier.  I am struggling to find things that are quick, cheap and healthy.  Oh ya, and also something my picky husband will eat.  His picky-ness is KILLING my meal planing these days.  Not to mention that 1-4 days per week (depending on the week) I have a 45 minute turn around time to head back to work, or we have people coming over.  This means dinner must be cooked, and consumed during this time period.  Oh yes, I also have to pump, which means that the hubby has do do the bulk of the work.  I has really hampered my meal planing and options lately.  I would seriously LOVE some killer recipes.  Things that are HEALTHY, CHEAP, and FAST/EASY to make.  Oh yes, and don't forget my husband is picky.  Anything with ANY sort of beans, or vegetables (of ANY kind) or fruity type things are completely off limits.  He is the classic "meat and potatoes" kind of guy to the extreme (think Ron Swanson from Parks and Rec, where veggies are "rabbit food".  If he actually read my blog, and knew that I was comparing him to Ron, he would be thrilled and honored *sigh* *facepalm*)  Anyways, I really need some miracle recipes.  Please don't say Deceptively Delicious (which is a GREAT book and would totally work for kids), because while I thought it was a GENIUS plan, hubby know and wont eat it.  Any suggestions?  I really am at a loss, a complete and other loss.

Homemaking related - I have been trying to fine tune my habits and my routine.  I am getting sick of the mad dash when we have people over (2x's per week at least).  I have been supper lazy (and challenged) in this area recently, and it is frustrating me.  I need to figure out a way to make the whole, house staying clean/de-cluttered easier.  It honestly is frustrating spending all of my "off time" cleaning and still feeling like it is never clean.  I have been trying to purge and get rid of stuff we don't need/use, and organize it better, but I am majorly failing at a system to keep it strait.

Mommy related - I am in this crazy cycle of desperately needed a true break, and missing my kids like crazy.  I miss them when I'm at work and I have to say good bye to them.  When I'm at home, they are both demanding my attention, while I am trying to make the mad 45 minute dinner and back to work or people coming over dash.  I feel like the quality time I desire isn't there.  I try and make it, but my baby girl loves to go to bed early (like by 6pm) and with me getting home closer to 5 and scrambling, I feel not as connected with her.  My little man and I go to AWANA once per week (so he is part of that mad dash), which is fun because while I am "working" and teaching in another class, he is my "helper" in set up and clean up so we get good time in there.  Also, he sometimes just wants me to cuddle with him.  THAT I can totally do!  We also do our bedtime story and prayers every night with both kids.  I guess I just feel like I am failing, and missing out on so much when I'm at work, and then spend my at home time dealing with toddler tantrums and teething tears.

Wife related - Hubby and I have been having mis-communications like you wouldn't believe!  I am super failing in so many areas it is killing me.  I hate arguing and being upset.  We have both just had so much pressure in so many areas of our life right now, on top of our insane schedule, we just are off.  Totally failing in this area right now.

Friend related - Honestly it is almost at the point of me saying, "I have friends?"  Thankfully one of my dear friends from college got a few of us emailing semi-regularly.  I think it is going to take some practice, but I'm really hoping that is going to help me out.  I try and get out, I try to put myself out there.  I have some "new prospects" (that seriously sounds weird, but I don't know how else to put it), it is really hard for me that I can't hang out with people.  I know life is crazy, and that the people I am closest with are spread out all over, and keeping in touch with them (which I suck at) is important, and I'm trying to get better.  I also, know that sometimes, I physically need to sit and go do something with people.  I'm working on connecting with the mom's in my ministry better, but it is hard, because they are also a part of my ministry which can slightly complicate things.

Blog related - Ya, so my dog LITERALLY chewed the power cord to my computer.  Thankfully my hubby knows a few things about electrical type things, and fixed it for the temporary.  Honestly, with all the fails/ruts everywhere else, this is something that I have used as my outlet and need.  It has been neglected lately, which is totally my fault.  I am working on a system to fix it.  Stay tuned.

Personally related - I have been emotionally off lately.  I have a heavy weight on my heart that I can't seem to get off.  I honestly have prayed and really don't know what is going on.  It is borderline depressive, but is also making me not want to do everything.  It is really frustrating, I think part of it is not having people around (see the friend issues above) and not being able to talk and recharge my batteries the way I need to.

Sorry long rambley un-editied post, but I did warn you!  I just wanted to let you know where I am.  Maybe you have been here too?  Suggestions?  Ideas?




  1. Wow - That is a lot going on. Kudos for your honesty. I don't know what recipes you've tried, so I hate to recommend something that is already in your regimine. But I a staple at our house is something I sort of made up... I chop up sweet potato (cubed), onion, green peppers, and chicken, toss in some canned black beans, saute it in a hot pan with some Jamaican Jerk sauce. I don't know if that is too many veggies for your hubby.

    Working AND being a mom/wife?! I don't know how you do it. I am a "working wife" and that is busy enough. I think it's okay to realize you can't do it all and to let some things go...? :/ Maybe starting with the people that come over twice a week. I don't know. I don't want to say too much since I don't know your situation very well.

    And feeling depressed? Well, sure! You're exausted. Burnt out? "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, THEN all these things will be added unto you..." I would prioritize quality time with God over all the busyness. Easier said than done!! :D

    God be with you! I hate to offer "unsolicited advice", but it sounded like you were open to it, so best wishes and I will pray for you :)

    1. Thank you so much for your reply. Advice is always welcome here.

      Your recipe sounds super yummy, but I lost hubby at onions and just got eye rolls as I kept reading. *sigh, he is a huge challenge.

      I really do need to prioritize my time with God more. I am currently tying to do my quiet time while pumping and trying to entertain my little ones in the morning. I think I just need to get up earlier so I can do it without them to distract me. Hubby and I are also reading the the Bible in a year together which is really fun, but not the deep time I need.

      Thanks for your suggestions, and prayers! I truly appreciate them!

  2. Hey Ashley!
    I offer probably what you don't want to hear,.. but often the best advice is exactly that.

    No more kids. Birth control all the way until your life can be more stable and manageable.

    Tell your husband he can starve if he refuses to eat any form of vegetables. He's not 13 anymore and leaving fruits and vegetables completely out of his diet is irrational, unhealthy, and will dramatically reduce his life span. Also, you don't want your kids to think that is acceptable behavior as an adult, and you don't want it to keep you and your children from obtaining a healthy diet. As for cooking healthy, I've cooked AMAZING candied yams, stuffed peppers, apple pies, turnips au gratin, lettuce wraps, etc. There is no reason that your kitchen *can't* be your oyster and nothing should limit you! I have recently discovered stir frys are easy, fast, cheap, and delicious. The only prep time is chopping up the veggies. My housemate Isabel wrote an amazing "how to do any stir fry" instruction sheet if you'd like me to e-mail it to you. You can add meat, some of your favorite sauces, some sesame seeds and va la! There are many recipes online. Getting a CSA box is what has jump started/forced me to eat better. There is one in the desert in fact: http://www.inlandempirecsa.com/

    Lastly: as you know, I live an ethical life through reason and compassion... not any of that supernatural hooey. Exercise, meditation, and nature are the key to feeling so much happier. I couldn't begin to tell you.

    Hope this helps :)

  3. Recipes:
    We LOVE the crockpot. I love buying a big pot roast put it in with dry onion mix soup pack and cream of mushroom soup. Cut up and add some potatoes. At the end of the day, you have dinner! Hopefully Matt approves. :)
    We also do chicken taco: chicken, salsa, beans, and whatever else you want in the crockpot. Then when you get home throw it in some tortillas and you are ready to eat.
    If you want to eat healthier just put meat in the crock pot with no seasoning. Then for lunches and/or dinner you can add the meat to salad, soups, or whatever for the week. That way you can add veggies and Matt can add potatoes or what he would like.